Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
