Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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