Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
