I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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