I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize