What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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