i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
