K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
