We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
