Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
