I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
