Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize