I need help removing her.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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