I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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