I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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