You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
