i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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