Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize