so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
