He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
