Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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