did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
