hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
