I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
