Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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