Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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