Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
