your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
