You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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