you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
