Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
