Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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