3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
