Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize