I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
