she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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