I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
