party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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