I'm gonna have a badass scar
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
