do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
