I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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