alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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