I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
