im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I AM VODKA MAN
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
