My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I checked into jail on foursquare
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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