I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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