I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
