Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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