They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
