Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
