I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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