we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
