Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize