Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
