Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize