a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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