Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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