this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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