i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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