I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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