he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
