I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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