Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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