I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
