At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
