I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
