this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
