10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
