I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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