glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
