It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
